


Batteries Not Included

by Pariscores



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - No Powers, And I mean a LOT, Attempt at Humor, Bucky Barnes & Clint Barton Friendship, Bucky Barnes & Tony Stark Friendship, Bucky Barnes Is a Good Bro, Clint Barton & Natasha Romanov Friendship, Clint Barton & Tony Stark Friendship, Clint Barton Is a Good Bro, Domestic Avengers, Domestic Fluff, Everything is Beautiful and Nothing Hurts, Fluff and Humor, Howard Stark's A+ Parenting, Language, Minecraft, Multi, Natasha Romanov Is a Good Bro, Natasha is done with their shit, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Sarcasm, Sassy Bucky Barnes, Sassy Clint Barton, Sassy Natasha Romanov, Sassy Tony Stark, Science Bros, Team as Family, Texting, The Author Regrets Everything, Tony Stark Is a Good Bro, Tony Stark Needs Sleep, Walmart, a lot of jabs at tony's height, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-09
Updated: 2020-03-25
Packaged: 2020-08-13 12:56:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 3,455
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20174626
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pariscores/pseuds/Pariscores
Summary: cappuccino has named the chat Some Assembly Required.irony-man: hairony-man: batteries not included





	1. cOde rEd

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hawkguy: where the fuck is he?!?!   
cappuccino: Language.  
hawkguy: not the time grandpa  
cappuccino: Clint.  
hawkguy: sorry.
> 
> In which Tony needs more sleep, Clint wants bean dip, and Nat just wants to go home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi I'm trash and here is another text chat fic.

**Some Assembly Required**

Steve Rogers (cappuccino)

Tony Stark (irony-man)

Natasha Romanoff (nat-attack)

Clint Barton (hawkguy)

Bruce Banner (not-a-doctor)

Thor Odinson (god-tier)

Bucky Barnes (bucket)

Sunday, 1:17 p.m.

hawkguy: _ GUYS I LOST TONY _

hawkguy: _ he’s not answering me cOde rEd _

nat-attack: We sent you 2 away _ 4 minutes ago _.

nat-attack: How do you lose a _ whole ass teenager _ in four minutes at a Walmart?

hawkguy: TONY IS NOT A _WHOLE_ _ASS _TEENAGER! HE’S LIKE FOUR FEET TALL

hawkguy: _ HE’S TINY LIKE A GREMLIN. _

bucket: and you’re stupid like a goldfish.

hawkguy: i detest that

nat-attack: I don’t.

hawkguy: nat _ w h y _?

cappuccino: That’s enough you two. We need to find Tony before he gets himself into trouble.

bucket: why don’t we just call for him over the intercom? seems like the reasonable thing to do

cappuccino: Yes, I agree with Bucky.

hawkguy: u always agree with bucky.

nat-attack: That’s because Bucky’s his _voice of reason._

hawkguy: then what am i?

nat-attack: An idiot.

hawkguy: understandable, have a nice day.

not-a-doctor: Knowing Tony, he won’t acknowledge it. 

not-a-doctor: It embarrases him.

god-tier: Let us split ways and search for friend Stark!

cappuccino: Alright. Bucky, you and I will check the grocery aisles. Nat and Clint, electronics. Thor, Bruce, search around clothing.

hawkguy: oh wow we have a buddy system.

hawkguy: alright fred, ready to split up and look for clues?

cappuccino: Clint.

hawkguy: Steve.

cappuccino: _ Clint. _

hawkguy: sorry.

hawkguy: let’s go. 

* * *

Sunday, 2:24 p.m.

hawkguy: _ where the fuck is he?!?! _

cappuccino: Language.

hawkguy: _ not the time grandpa _

cappuccino: Clint.

hawkguy: sorry.

not-a-doctor: Uh, guys?

not-a-doctor: We found him.

bucket: where?

not-a-doctor: Hold on.

hawkguy: okay i’m interested

not-a-doctor: _ whatdoido.jpg_

hawkguy: oh, i’m _ very _interested

nat-attack: Is he asleep?

nat-attack: _ Inside a clothing rack? _

hawkguy: _ hes a goddamn gremlin _

bucket: is he cuddling a wrench?

hawkguy: _ oh my god _

cappuccino: Tony… really doesn’t sleep enough, does he?

hawkguy: this is my new lockscreen

bucket: that’s… kind of weird.

hawkguy: no its not

cappuccino: Yes it is.

nat-attack: Yes it is.

not-a-doctor: Yes it is.

hawkguy: no one asked u

bucket: god bruce, just wake him up. I want to leave already.

bucket: blease.

nat-attack: Yeah, me too. We’ve been here for like, two hours.

nat-attack: We literally just came here for snacks.

hawkguy: did we get bean dip

god-tier: Indeed.

hawkguy: _ noice _

hawkguy: wake the gremlin i want bean dip

not-a-doctor: We’ll meet you guys by customer service.

cappuccino: Alright everyone. Let’s regroup.

bucket: finally. 

* * *

Sunday, 11:49 p.m.

hawkguy: _ a fucking clothing rack_

irony-man: hey clint?

hawkguy: yea wrench boi?

irony-man: fuck off

cappuccino: Language.

bucket: hey stevie?

cappuccino: Yes?

bucket: shut up.

cappuccino: Okay.

hawkguy: _ oh come on- _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> more to come. updates are spotty at best.
> 
> follow me on tumblr @pariscores


	2. many tonks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> bucket: if i come back and you are not in bed asleep in the next 15 minutes i will personally knock you out  
bucket: so stop being a dumbass  
bucket: that’s clint’s job  
irony-man: yes mom right away. 
> 
> In which Tony steals Steve's mans, Clint gets scolded at every turn, and Steve just wants everyone to shut the fuck up and go to bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> putting that howard stark's a+ parenting tag to use.

**Some Assembly Required**

Steve Rogers (cappuccino)

Tony Stark (irony-man)

Natasha Romanoff (nat-attack)

Clint Barton (hawkguy)

Bruce Banner (not-a-doctor)

Thor Odinson (god-tier)

Bucky Barnes (bucket)

Monday, 2:36 a.m.

irony-man: do you ever just like

irony-man: want to lay on the ground outside and look at the stars?

cappuccino: It is two in the morning.

cappuccino: Go to bed.

bucket: why are u even up?

irony-man: I may or may not have been locked outside my house.

bucket: how-

irony-man: i got home too late and howard’s not going to let me in.

irony-man: he’s kinda strict with curfew.

nat-attack: What time is your curfew?

irony-man: 9:30

cappuccino: _ You’ve been locked outside for five hours?! _

cappuccino: Why are you just _ now _saying anything?!

irony-man: eh

irony-man: I didn't want to be a bother.

nat-attack: You wouldn’t be a bother.

cappuccino: Especially with something like this.

bucket: if you have nowhere to go you can come over to my place for the night.

bucket: my parents won’t mind.

irony-man: bless.

irony-man: i could literally kiss you right now

bucket: that’s tempting

irony-man: i’m stealing your mans stebe

irony-man: *steve

hawkguy: _ STEBE _

cappuccino: Clint.

hawkguy: yea stebe?

cappuccino: _ Clint. _

hawkguy: sorry

irony-man: that literally never gets old.

irony-man: oh and i’m at your doorstep bucky.

irony-man: _ please let me in sir. _

bucket: i’m going

irony-man: tonks.

irony-man: many tonks.

cappuccino: Tony please go to sleep.

irony-man: no.

irony-man: I have been told by bucky to go to bed.

irony-man: so i will. maybe.

irony-man: _ but that doesn’t mean i’m happy about it. _

bucket: if i come back and you are not in bed asleep in the next 15 minutes i will personally knock you out

bucket: so stop being a dumbass

bucket: that’s clint’s job

irony-man: yes mom right way.

hawkguy: jdhfhdkskls

hawkguy: _ whipped _

hawkguy: wait- 

irony-man: _ well goodnight _-

bucket: goodnight

hawkguy: _ you come back online you bitch _

cappuccino: Language.

hawkguy: oh my god

irony-man: ha

irony-man: classic

cappuccino: _ Bed. _

irony-man: yes sir. 

* * *

Monday, 11:19 a.m. 

nat-attack: This is the first time I’ve seen Tony awake all through Calculus.

nat-attack: I’m impressed.

irony-man: bucky scares me

cappuccino: So let me get this straight.

hawkguy: u cant even get yourself straight

cappuccino: _ Ignoring that. _

cappuccino: Tony falls asleep _ every day _ during _ calculus _.

cappuccino: And _ still _understands everything?

cappuccino: _ How _?

irony-man: iq of 186 man

irony-man: i can do anything

bucket: the 186 clearly doesn’t account for common sense

irony-man: ...

irony-man: maybe so.

hawkguy: _ BURN_

cappuccino: Pay attention in class.

hawkguy: _ hypocrite _

cappuccino: Clint.

hawkguy: sorry

irony-man: _ cLaSsiC _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there's a reoccurring theme between clint and steve in case you haven't noticed.
> 
> and i love it.
> 
> *now edited to fix something I fucked up on.


	3. act dumb

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hawkguy: so tony  
hawkguy: whos that girl I saw you talking to at lunch?  
irony-man: uh  
irony-man: who’s tony? 
> 
> In which Tony has a crush, him and Clint are an old married couple, and they're both pretty.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> god i'm tired

**Some Assembly Required**

Steve Rogers (cappuccino)

Tony Stark (irony-man)

Natasha Romanoff (nat-attack)

Clint Barton (hawkguy)

Bruce Banner (not-a-doctor)

Thor Odinson (god-tier)

Bucky Barnes (bucket)

Tuesday, 12:58 p.m.

hawkguy: so tony

hawkguy: whos that girl I saw you talking to at lunch?

irony-man: uh

irony-man: who’s tony?

bucket: wow.

bucket: you take act dumb to a whole new level

hawkguy: ooohhhh

hawkguy:  _ tonys got a crush _

irony-man: i will hurt you

hawkguy: no u cant youre like three feet tall

irony-man: i will kick your kneecaps in then

irony-man:  _ and i’m not that short _

hawkguy: yes u r

bucket: yes you are.

cappuccino: Yes you are.

nat-attack: Yes you are.

god-tier: I am afraid you are.

not-a-doctor: Yes, you are.

irony-man:  _ did everyone seriously log on JUST TO AGREE WITH CLINT _

irony-man: brucie bear! 

irony-man: my science bro!

irony-man: my knight in bleached white lab coat! 

irony-man: you’re supposed to be on my side!

not-a-doctor: I always say that I can never argue with facts.

hawkguy:  _ oh my god _

hawkguy:  _ hes got jokes _

irony-man: the betrayal

irony-man: also fuck you clint.

hawkguy: cussing?

hawkguy: in  _ my _ good christian server?

hawkguy: its more likely than you think.

hawkguy: -steve, probably

bucket: pffffft

bucket:  _ facts. _

cappuccino: Clint.

hawkguy: no dont do this

hawkguy: pls

irony-man: you know the drill clinton

hawkguy: …

hawkguy: sorry.

nat-attack: So Tony has a girlfriend?

irony-man:  _ she’s not my girlfriend. _

hawkguy: yet

hawkguy: we will find her

nat-attack: I found her.

hawkguy: wHaT

irony-man:  _ you can prove nothing _

nat-attack: Virginia Potts, right? From our government class?

irony-man: you can prove  _ one  _ thing.

hawkguy:  _ tony has a girlfriend _

irony-man: fuck off

cappuccino: Language.

bucket: oh yeah, i know her.

bucket: cute, redhead, tall

bucket: way out of tony’s league?

irony-man: HEY

nat-attack: Yep.

hawkguy: come one tony

hawkguy: ask her out

hawkguy: dont be a  _ weenie _

hawkguy: be a  _ man _

irony-man:  _ alright fine now please leave me alone _

nat-attack: Sure thing.

nat-attack: But remember this Tony.

nat-attack: Don’t be a dumbass.

hawkguy: impossible

irony-man: yes ma’am.

irony-man: and clint?

hawkguy: hmmm?

irony-man: i will hit you with my car

hawkguy: u cant even reach the gas pedal

irony-man: you can’t even drive.

hawkguy: touche

hawkguy: oh and can you take me home after school?

irony-man: i  _ guess _

hawkguy: noiCe

irony-man: sigh

hawkguy: wHy diD yOu tYpE tHaT

irony-man: because i know it would bother you. 

bucket: god you two fight like an old married couple

irony-man: i’m the hot one

hawkguy: uh think again buckarop

irony-man: says the one that’s never been on a date

hawkguy: _thats cause im_ _not a thot_

irony-man: don’t you dare slut shame me

nat-attack: You’re both pretty, now shut up.

hawkguy: …

hawkguy: okay fine

irony-man: truce

hawkguy: truce

irony-man: but i’m still prettier.

hawkguy: _biTcH_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm weak for pepperony.
> 
> and i love making fun of tony's height.


	4. i have a *minecraft

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> irony-man: i have a minecraft
> 
> irony-man: *migraine
> 
> hawk-guy: play minecraft with me
> 
> In which Bruce is traumatized, Clint scrubs his bathroom with bleach, and Tony just wants advil.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> short chapter because i'm literal trash. sorry.
> 
> but I got noticed by the writer of one of my favorite stories, so go shoot celtic_cappuccino some love.

**Some Assembly Required**

Steve Rogers (cappuccino)

Tony Stark (irony-man)

Natasha Romanoff (nat-attack)

Clint Barton (hawkguy)

Bruce Banner (not-a-doctor)

Thor Odinson (god-tier)

Bucky Barnes (bucket)

Thursday, 1:03 p.m.

hawkguy:  _ i just caught steve and bucky  _ ** _mackin’_ ** _ in the hallway _

hawkguy:  _ i need bleach for my eyes now _

nat-attack: Clint they’ve been dating for two years.

nat-attack: Literally everyone has seen them at one point.

irony-man: yeah birdbrain you’re not special.

not-a-doctor: At least you guys only caught them making out.

not-a-doctor: Some of us aren’t that lucky.

irony-man: oh Brucie

irony-man: please tell me it isn’t so

irony-man: you poor child

bucket: you’re overreacting bruce

hawkguy: how dare you buck

hawkguy: he witnessed this defiling first hand

not-a-doctor: Yes, in your bathroom.

hawkguy: yeah in my bathroom

irony-man: wait for it.

irony-man:  _ wait for it. _

hawkguy: waiT WHAT DO YOU MEAN  _ IN MY BATHROOM?!?!?!? _

hawkguy:  _ when were you even in my bathroom?!?!? _

bucket: uh

bucket: game night two weeks ago?

hawkguy:  _ you mean this was recent?!? _

hawkguy:  _ god i need to go bleach my bathroom now _

irony-man: lmao

irony-man: he actually logged off

cappuccino: Wait, what did I miss? 

* * *

Thursday, 6:33 p.m.

irony-man: i have a minecraft

irony-man: *migraine

hawk-guy: play minecraft with me

irony-man: don’t you have a bathroom to scrub?

hawkguy: dont you have advil to swallow?

irony-man: I can’t find any.

hawkguy: give me ur minecraft handle and i will sprint to ur place and give you some

irony-man: I  _ guess _ .

hawkguy: niCe

irony-man:  _ *sigh* _

hawkguy: stOp dOinG tHaT

irony-man: better start sprinting Clinton.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you couldn't tell, clint and tony are the disaster duo.


	5. weird flex but okay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hawkguy: im no longer a human. i now identify as a chicken nugget  
bucket: weird flex but okay.
> 
> In which Tony still needs more sleep, Clint has an identity crisis, and Bucky gets sassy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i really appreciate everyone who has taken the time to read this disaster fic and comment about how they enjoy it. you honestly make my day.

**Some Assembly Required**

Steve Rogers (cappuccino)

Tony Stark (irony-man)

Natasha Romanoff (nat-attack)

Clint Barton (hawkguy)

Bruce Banner (not-a-doctor)

Thor Odinson (god-tier)

Bucky Barnes (bucket)

Friday, 3:16 a.m.

irony-man: all odd numbers have the letter ‘e’ in them.

cappuccino: Tony, it’s three in the morning.

irony-man: t-h-r-E-E

cappuccino: GO TO SLEEP!

irony-man: alright fine.

irony-man: but just so you know, I’m sleeping because _ I _want to.

irony-man: not because you told me to.

cappuccino: _ Sleep. _

cappuccino: _ Now. _

irony-man: yes sir. 

hawkguy: ha you just got scolded

cappuccino: Clint.

hawkguy: sorry

irony-man: c l a s s i c . 

* * *

Friday: 9:02 a.m.

hawkguy: life is hard id like a refund

irony-man: felt

bucket: also felt

nat-attack: Also felt.

cappuccino: Felt that.

not-a-doctor: Yes.

god-tier: Yes I relate to that.

irony-man: glad we’re all in agreement

hawkguy: im so done with today

cappuccino: It’s barely 9 in the morning.

nat-attack: Who do I have to kill?

bucket: ^

irony-man: ^^

hawkguy: im no longer a human. i now identify as a chicken nugget

bucket: weird flex but okay.

cappuccino: As much as I love where this conversation is going, what’s with the sudden identity crisis?

irony-man: ah.

irony-man: Coulson?

hawkguy: coulson.

bucket: i am confusion.

irony-man: coulson’s giving a pop quiz today.

cappuccino: Guys please don't kill Mr. Coulson.

hawkguy: u couldnt have given me a warning?!?!

irony-man: hey Clint, Coulson’s giving a pop quiz today.

hawkguy: wow thanks for the heads up

hawkguy: my hero

irony-man: ha

irony-man: you’re welcome birdbrain

hawkguy: thats it im telling pepper that ur being mean to me

irony-man: eh whatever, she’ll probably make fun of you too.

irony-man: loser.

hawkguy: _ bLoCkeD _

irony-man: wait unblock me I have something to tell you.

hawkguy: _ uNbLocKeD _

irony-man: _ LOsEr _

hawkguy: nat save me

hawkguy: u _ know _ i dont have to take this abuse

nat-attack: Yes you do.

hawkguy: nat WHY

nat-attack: Stop eating my leftovers.

nat-attack: Maybe then I’d consider saving you.

bucket: get rekt.

cappuccino: Don’t you all have class?

bucket: don’t _ you _ have a pop quiz?

irony-man: _ he just sassed the captain. _

irony-man: _steve your mans just sassed you._

bucket: i will sass whoever i damn well please

irony-man: felt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bucky + Tony + Nat = The Sassy Trinity


	6. stealing your mans

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> irony-man: he just pulled the uno reverse card on us.  
bucket: just skip his turn  
irony-man: genius.  
hawkguy: brilliant
> 
> In which Steve breaks his arm, Bruce is concerned, and the chaotic trio (as demonstrated above) go on a date.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ay, it's ya boi, back with a month late chapter.
> 
> at least it's longer than usual.

**Some Assembly Required**

Steve Rogers (cappuccino)

Tony Stark (irony-man)

Natasha Romanoff (nat-attack)

Clint Barton (hawkguy)

Bruce Banner (not-a-doctor)

Thor Odinson (god-tier)

Bucky Barnes (bucket)

Saturday, 12:47 p.m.

bucket: who wants to see a video of Steve doing a flip? 

hawkguy: nah I'm good

bucket: but he broke his arm because of it

irony-man: well then next time lead with that. 

irony-man: show me pls

not-a-doctor: Did you get him to a hospital?

hawkguy: i mean

hawkguy: thats not the pont here

bucket: pont

irony-man: pont

nat-attack: pont

hawkguy: fuck off

cappuccino: Language Clint.

hawkguy: ok whatever  _ cripple _

cappuccino: Clint.

hawkguy: sorry

cappuccino: Thank you.

hawkguy: ur welcome …

hawkguy:  _ cripple _

cappuccino: CLINT-

irony-man: so does that mean we can’t see the video?

bucket: yeah i’ll send it to everyone

hawkguy:  _ yEs _

bucket: except clint

hawkguy:  _ nO _

not-a-doctor: But seriously, is he okay?

irony-man: he’s steve.

irony-man: he’s probably doing cartwheels by now.

bucket: you right

irony-man: i’m always right

not-a-doctor: I distinctly remember the Halloween party incident of 2016.

irony-man: i’m mostly right.

nat-attack: You got a knife stuck in your arm.

irony-man: it was just a flesh wound.

nat-attack: It almost went completely through.

irony-man: uh, it was a wound.

irony-man: on my flesh.

irony-man: therefore, it counts as a flesh wound.

hawkguy: cant mess with that logic

bucket: you really can’t.

cappuccino: Yes you can.

hawkguy: bet.

bucket: bet.

irony-man: bEt

cappuccino: I will bet.

hawkguy: uhh

hawkguy: wait.

irony-man: he just pulled the uno reverse card on us.

bucket: just skip his turn

irony-man: genius.

hawkguy: brilliant

irony-man: he truly is the brain of the group.

hawkguy: and the brawn

irony-man: he is beauty

hawkguy: he is grace

bucket: i will punch you in the face

cappuccino: I’m begging you to stop.

hawkguy:  _ cant stop wont stop _

bucket: well at least  _ they  _ give me attention

irony-man: STEALING YOUR MANS STEVE

hawkguy: join us buck

irony-man: we’ll treat you better

bucket: did you just quote shawn mendes to me?

irony-man: so what if i did?

bucket: i’m sold.

hawkguy:  _ stealing steves mans _

cappuccino: I-

irony-man: we’ll pick you up at 6 bby

hawkguy: dress nice

bucket: alright

bucket: i guess i’ll see you guys later

hawkguy: well be waiting 😘

cappuccino: Wait-

cappuccino: And they’re all offline.

cappuccino: What just happened?

nat-attack: Clint and Tony just stole your mans Steve.

god-tier: Young love is truly a beautiful thing.

cappuccino:  _ No-  _

* * *

Saturday, 9:52 p.m.

irony-man: uhhh

irony-man: Howard locked me out again.

irony-man: pls help.

hawkguy: ah man

hawkguy: we kept you out too late

bucket: you can come over again

irony-man: bless

irony-man: i’ll be there in 10

cappuccino: You guys actually went out?

hawkguy: of course we did

irony-man: out to a lovely diner 

irony-man:  _ with candles _

bucket: it was great.

bucket: i felt loved and appreciated.

hawkguy: we will always love and appreciate you buck

irony-man:  _ always _

hawkguy: unlike  _ someone _

cappuccino: I feel attacked.

hawkguy: good

irony-man: very good

bucket:  _ very good. _

cappuccino: How does Pepper feel about this?

irony-man: she’s very supportive

irony-man: because she knows i’m treating someone  _ right _

hawkguy:  _ BURN _

bucket: BURNNNN

irony-man: and i’m outside bucky

irony-man: let me in and cuddle me please

bucket: alrighty then

hawkguy: you guys are cuddling

hawkguy:  _ without me? _

irony-man: you can join us next time

hawkguy:  _ i will _

bucket: i love our new relationship

irony-man: bucky

irony-man: cuddle

irony-man: now.

bucket: yes sir

cappuccino: And they logged off again.

nat-attack: Your mans has officially been stolen Rogers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you guys for 100 kudos and all the comments, they really mean a lot.


	7. eat the rich

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> irony-man: Eat the rich!  
cappuccino: Tony, you’re rich.  
irony-man: …   
irony-man: i’ve been compromised  
cappuccino: No-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> haha, I'm back

**Some Assembly Required**

Steve Rogers (cappuccino)

Tony Stark (irony-man)

Natasha Romanoff (nat-attack)

Clint Barton (hawkguy)

Bruce Banner (not-a-doctor)

Thor Odinson (god-tier)

Bucky Barnes (bucket)

Sunday, 11:19 p.m.

bucket: what if whenever you cracked your knuckles your fingers started to glow like glow sticks

cappuccino: Go to sleep.

hawkguy: i could read in the dark!

not-a-doctor: That is what a lamp is for.

nat-attack: Since when do _ you _ read _ books _?

irony-man: you can _ read _?

hawkguy: what did i do to deserve this _ slander _

nat-attack: Exist.

hawkguy: nat _ why _

bucket: yeah clint, shut up

hawkguy: YOU STARTED ALL OF THIS

hawkguy: UR THE ONE WHO WOKE EVERYONE UP

bucket: I have no idea what you’re talking about

bucket: I have never done anything wrong in my life. ever.

irony-man: we know this, and we love you.

hawkguy: _ IS THAT ANY WAY TO TALK TO YOUR RECENT HOT DATE?! _

irony-man: more like hot mess

bucket: yeah, tony was the hot date

irony-man: we been knew

hawkguy: _ the whole world will know of your betrayal smitty werbenjagermanjensen _

irony-man: are you quoting _ spongebob? _

hawkguy: it is poetic cinema

nat-attack: …

cappuccino: You enjoy silently judging everyone, don’t you Nat?

nat-attack: When have I ever judged someone silently?

not-a-doctor: She has a point.

hawkguy: nat has an opinion on everything

hawkguy: like pineapple should go on pizza, beyonce is overrated, classical music is amazing, todays society isnt emotionally strong enough, america makes it easier for only the rich to prosper

hawkguy: you know, same old nat stuff

irony-man: Eat the rich!

cappuccino: Tony, _ you’re _ rich.

irony-man: … 

irony-man: _ i’ve been compromised _

cappuccino: No-

bucket: eat the rich

hawkguy: eat the rich

nat-attack: Eat the rich

not-a-doctor: Eat the rich.

god-tier: EAT THE RICH!

irony-man: told you

cappuccino: Fine, eat the rich.

bucket: steve how could you?

irony-man: yeah, what did i ever do to you?

hawkguy: the absolute _ nerve _

cappuccino: I’m starting to feel like I will never win any conversation here.

hawkguy: pffffft

hawkguy: u barely noticed

hawkguy: catch up on the times grandpa

cappuccino: Clint.

hawkguy: sorry.

irony-man: classic.

not-a-doctor: How did we get to this point in conversation?

bucket: glow sticks work in mysterious ways

irony-man: facts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> someone give me suggestions on what to write for this I don't know-


	8. define 'alive'

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hawkguy: whats a metaphor  
not-a-doctor: Your life is a train wreck.  
hawkguy: I know  
hawkguy: but whats a metaphor

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not allowed back to school until April 10th (maybe), so here's another chapter. Rip my senior year. And my job.

**Some Assembly Required**

Steve Rogers (cappuccino)

Tony Stark (irony-man)

Natasha Romanoff (nat-attack)

Clint Barton (hawkguy)

Bruce Banner (not-a-doctor)

Thor Odinson (god-tier)

Bucky Barnes (bucket)

Monday, 1:42 a.m.

irony-man: hey bucky, do you wanna go get lunch with me and clint?

bucket: uh, i already ate with steve but what do you guys want?

irony-man: …

irony-man: loyalty.

hawkguy: commitment

irony-man: instead we get  _ betrayal _

nat-attack: You know what is really betrayal?

nat-attack:  Fake Ratatouille fans that think the rat’s name is  _ Ratatouille _ . I’m tired of it.

cappuccino: Nat please, I only said it one time.

god-tier: You mean the rat’s name isn’t Ratatouille?

_ [god-tier has been removed from ‘Some Assembly Required’] _

nat-attack: I’ve had it.

cappuccino: Nat please…

nat-attack: We will add Thor back when he’s had the time to think about what he’s done. 

hawkguy: hey guys real quick

hawkguy: whats a metaphor

not-a-doctor: Your life is a train wreck.

hawkguy: i know

hawkguy: but whats a metaphor

irony-man: wow, get you a man who can do both.

hawkguy: what am i doing both of

irony-man: you're being both exhausting  _ and  _ annoying to deal with.

bucket: guys I ran out of snacks :/

hawkguy: im literally right here

bucket: I shouldn’t be eating stale food

irony-man: kjhdsvjhbfkjhd

irony-man:  _ i can’t breathe oh my god- _

hawkguy: i should feel offended but i really didnt expect anything else

irony-man: yeah you really shouldn’t

hawkguy: hey lets play a game

irony-man: okay

hawkguy: truth or dare

irony-man: truth

hawkguy: whats your credit card number

irony-man: dare

hawkguy: i dare you to give me your credit card number

irony-man: never have I ever

hawkguy:  _ thats not the game- _

irony-man: you don’t know that

hawkguy:  _ I STARTED THIS _

irony-man: and I finished it

irony-man: later

hawkguy: come back online!

hawkguy: pls

hawkguy: tell me im pretty

nat-attack: You’re pretty annoying is what you are.

hawkguy: nat  _ why _ ?

hawkguy: and shes gone too

hawkguy: fuck

cappuccino: Language.

hawkguy: sorry

* * *

Tuesday, 3:30 a.m.

irony-man: your belly button is just your old mouth.

cappuccino: Why are you up at 3:30 a.m.?!

irony-man: I drank six cups of coffee

cappuccino:  _ Why would you do that? _

irony-man: today was done with me, but i’m not done with today

cappuccino:  _ Go to bed Tony. _

irony-man: i can’t.

irony-man: i have too many thoughts right now.

irony-man: yoink is the opposite of yeet.

hawkguy: but its just as fast

irony-man: the lord yeeteth and the lord yoinketh away.

cappuccino: I feel like I’m having a stroke.

irony-man: that’s niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

cappuccino: I think he finally crashed.

hawkguy: small miracles

cappuccino: Do you think he’s okay?

hawkguy: i mean maybe

hawkguy: im pretty sure hes had worse

hawkguy: nothing to worry about

hawkguy: anyways night steve

cappuccino: Right. Goodnight.

* * *

Tuesday, 8:44 a.m.

cappuccino: Well, at least we know Tony’s still alive.

irony-man: define ‘alive.’

nat-attack: He’s good.

* * *

Wednesday, 12:07 a.m.

irony-man: hey steve.

irony-man: steve

irony-man: steeeeeeeeeeeeve

irony-man:  _ STEEEEEEEEEEEEEVE!!!!!!!!!!!!! _

cappuccino: I’m busy.

irony-man: do you think drinking 18 cans of redbull consecutively would make my senses more heightened or would I just die?

cappuccino: …

cappuccino: I’m coming over.

irony-man:  _ sleepover! _

cappuccino:  _ Tony no- _

* * *

Wednesday, 11:06 a.m.

cappuccino:  _ We never added Thor back- _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm gonna be honest, this is probably my favorite chapter.
> 
> Also, if you want... you could buy me a ko-fi @ ko-fi.com/pariscores 
> 
> Welp... until next time.

**Author's Note:**

> pls comment anything i need the validation to get through school.


End file.
